Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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