I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
