When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
