our cab driver is having phone sex.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm determined to sit on that face.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
