Rock
Scissors
Fuck
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
