I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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