SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize