Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
oh god was she eating orange peels again
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
