it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize