The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
