I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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