these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
