So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
