I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
