Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
