saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
