My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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