how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
