There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
