based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
