yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
