i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize
