I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
