girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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