time to smoke my breakfast
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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