I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
