Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
