Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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