So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
