problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
