i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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