I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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