I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
