He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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