How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
