I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
