The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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