im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
