So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
