so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
