i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
