I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
