Soap is not a condiment
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
This toilet bowl is my home.
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