Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
