It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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