I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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