yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
