Pappa wants mamma naked
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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