What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
