Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
