my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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