I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
