if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
