very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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