I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
