do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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