a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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