do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
