Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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