Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I have already put on my inside pants.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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