My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
