is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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