Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
All I want is dick and wine.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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