let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
