She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
