i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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