your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
