Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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